Confessions
by GinnyVos
Summary: Goyjo mopes because Hakkai mopes when it rains. Goku notices and some confessions are made.


_Confessions _**  
**_**by **__**GinnyVos**_  
Rating: K  
Fandom: Saiyuki  
Series: Chasing Away the Rain  
Summary: Goyjo mopes because Hakkai mopes when it rains. Goku notices and some confessions are made.

Pairings: GoyjoxHakkai (one-sided?)

Disclaimer: I don't own them… I'd like to, but I don't; They belong to the amazing Kazuya Minekura. All I own is a set of her manga and an overactive imagination.

Because Goku might be cute and innocent and just the tiniest bit dense, but that doesn't make him stupid.

Goyjo stared at the window and sighed. Rain. Always the fucking rain… He hated rain. Rain made Hakkai hide away, rain made him forget all about Goyjo and mope with the stupid monk. Damn, how he hated it.

"-jyo, hey, Goyjo, stupid kappa, do you hear me?"

"Eh?" Oh, Goku, just what he needed. "What do you want, monkey?"

"What're you doing?"

"Sitting?"

"Yeah I can see that, but shouldn't you be, ya know, being out chasing girls and all that stuff?"

Goyjo purposely didn't look back at the monkey. "No, I don't, now get out!"

"It's my room too! I can be here if I like!" came the indignant cry.

"So go bother your priest or something, why don't you?" Goyjo scoffed.

"No! I- They… They threw me out…" Goku looked down, not meeting Goyjo's eyes as the older man turned around to him and sighed.

"What is it, monkey-boy, 'fess up," he finally said, as it didn't seem like Goku was going to say anything on his own. Sometimes he really did think he was the only sane person in their whole group. Ok, so maybe he wasn't i that /i sane, but definitely saner than the crazy priest and his monkey side-kick.

"I'm no monkey!"

Yep, definitely more sane.

As Goyjo didn't react to that, just kept looking at him, one eyebrow arched, Goku sighed and gave in. "They kicked me out," he murmured, "An' Sanzo said he didn't want to see me again, and- I only wanted to help! I hate it when they get all gloomy like that!"

With a deep sigh, Goyjo nodded. "I know monkey, me too…" He looked out of the window again, at the strings of silver rain falling down… And down… And down… Like they where never gonna stop. Was this how Hakkai and Sanzo felt? If it was, they needed some serious ass-kicking and nothing more. So did he, actually.

Goku was sitting on his bed, staring at his feet and looking for all the world to see like a little lost kid. Heh, imagine that… The great sage equal to heaven, looking lost because a mere human – or two – where a little down. No one would believe it.

With a few steps he was at Goku's bed and plunged down next to the monkey. "Hey, come on monkey, there's nothing you can do about it ok, so cheer up a little. You know as well as I do that Sanzo didn't mean that. Stupid monk isn't very coherent when it rains, is he?"

"Sanzo is always-!"

"Stop it Goku, you don't have to defend him, geez… I'm only trying to cheer you up ya know…"

"Oh…" He looked down again… Damn it, he really hated to see the little monkey like this. "Are you sure he doesn't mean it?" Goku asked in a very small voice.

Goyjo sighed, suppressing the urge to strangle the damn monk with difficulty. "Yeah monkey, I'm sure. If he meant all the times he told us he was going to shoot us, we would be dead a thousand times, ne? So why would he mean this and more than he meant that?"

Goku's face lit up a little and he gave Goyjo a grateful smile that made his own heart seem just a little bit lighter too.

"So what where you up to, stupid kappa, why aren't you out?"

Goyjo shrugged. Damn it, he'd hoped the monkey would've forgotten about that… No such luck. "I… I guess I don't like to go out when it rains, messes up my hair and all…" he said with a shrug. That was true, too. He didn't like to go out when it rained. He didn't want to leave Hakkai alone than. Even if it meant he had to sit here in the damn room for days, while Hakkai and the stupid monk where pining in the room next to his. He guessed it was a habit. Back when they still lived in the little house together, he'd stopped going out when it rained. Didn't want to leave Hakkai all alone. And now… Now he did have company. Apparently a lot better company than him. He felt a stab of pain at that thought, but it was the truth, wasn't it? Ever since they where on this damn journey, Hakkai had pulled back from him. He'd thought they where getting closer, back there in his too small house in the forest. That, although Hakkai would probably never be able to answer his love, than at least they where closer than this. Back when Hakkai had let him try to distract him when it rained. He sighed.

"Hey stupid kappa, I asked you a question!"

"Huh..?"

Goku gave him a concerned look. "Are you alright? You're not gonna mope like Hakkai and Sanzo, right?" There was definitely something pleading there, something desperate that Goyjo just couldn't ignore. Contrary to popular believe, he did care for the monkey… As long as he wasn't being an annoying little brad anyway.

"As if! So what about it monkey, you want something to eat? I still have some change left from last night,".

"Really? You're gonna buy me food? Awesome!" A happy grin formed on Goku's face, gloomy monk momentarily forgotten in favour of something to eat.

"… Goyjo?"

"What?"

"You're not out."

"So?" Goyjo turned his eyes away from the ceiling and to the monkey in the doorframe and glared. "What's that to you?"

"Nothing… It's just that…"

"It's just that, what?"

"You weren't out yesterday, either."

"Your point being?" What was Goku getting at? So what if he wasn't out. He just didn't feel like it. It was still raining like the gods had decided that they where stuck up with their pathetic attempts to safe the world and that it would be easier to just flood everything away. Maybe if that was the case he should be outside. Wouldn't want to stand in the way of the gods after all.

"You- you always go out… And now you don't and you're just here in the room and you smoke and-"

"Get to the point you idiot stomach for a brain monkey, you're wasting time!"

Goku seemed like he was going to react, taunt as always getting to him, but nothing came. He just looked at Goyjo, head a little askew and eyes thoughtful. Hell, nothing good could come from the monkey being thoughtful. Goku wasn't supposed to do anything with that brain of his but think about food…

Goyjo folded his hands behind his head, still looking at Goku from where he lay on his bed. "… Well?"

"Goyjo, why don't you go out when it rains? I mean, you don't go depressed like Hakkai an' Sanzo, not most of the time anyway, but you don't go out like you normally do either…"

The question caught him completely of guard for some reason. So the monkey could use his brain for something but food after all…

Goyjo stared at Goku for a moment, not knowing what to answer. His first impulse was to lie, to say his hair didn't take well to rain, to say he hated getting wet, to say he didn't feel like going, but something in him urged him to tell the truth. Not all of it, by all means but… It would be nice to have someone to share it with. Someone who would understand, on some level. After all, Goku saw his – what? His idol? His father-figure? – go into depression every time it rained, too. And Goku tried not to leave his side at those times too…

"Hakkai," it was out before he'd even made the decision. No way back now… "I don't go out because of Hakkai,".

Goku stared at him, understanding slowly dawning in golden eyes. "You… Don't want to leave because of Hakkai…?" he said thoughtfully, as if tasting the words on his lips. "Because Hakkai doesn't like the rain, you don't go out. Like I don't like to go anywhere when it rains because of Sanzo… And you…"

"Yeah! So what?" Goyjo suddenly felt the urge to run away and hide for some reason. He felt completely vulnerable. Growling, he tried to push down his response. Fuck, it was the monkey! Why the hell would he be afraid of the monkey? There was no reason!

A small smile spread over Goku's face as he pondered his latest finding. "Goyjo…?"

Damn but that smile made him nervous. "What?" He knew he'd snapped, but he honestly couldn't help it…

"Do you like Hakkai?"

"What?" If he hadn't already been lying on a bed, he'd have fallen over for sure. As it was, he just stared at Goku. "L- like?"

"Yeah… You know…" Was the monkey actually… Blushing? Nah, must've been a trick of the light, Goyjo decided as he pulled himself together.

"Of course I like Hakkai! I mean, he's my best friend an' all!"

"No I mean- Euhmn- I mean… As in… Do you… You know… Like like Hakkai?"

He had to hold himself back not to snigger. Damn but Goku looked cute when he was blushing and fumbling like that.

"Like like?" he grinned, "Can you explain that?"

Goku's face settled in a pout. "You know what I mean!" he blurted, "Do you like Hakkai like- Like more than best friends like?"

Now Goyjo did laugh, and ruffled Goku's hair, as the teenager kept pouting at his response. Than, taking a deep breath, he looked Goku in the face. "You're really not gonna drop this until you have an answer are you?" he asked, sighing. He was digging his own grave… He knew that, but… "Alright monkey-boy, swear you won't tell anyone."

Goku gave him a look. "I swear," he said solemnly, and nodded determinedly. "So do you? Do you like Hakkai more than best friends like?"

Taking a deep breath once more, Goyjo nodded. It felt strange, telling this to anyone, let be the monkey, after hiding it away for over three years.

Goku nodded. "I guess it makes sense," he said thoughtfully, "I mean, you always make a fuss over him and all, much more than over Sanzo an' me, and you always try to be close to him and stuff. But if you like Hakkai, than why do you still hang around those girls and, you know, go out and all?"

Goyjo sighed. Digging his own grave indeed. "Look monkey, if you ever tell anyone, I'll kill you. And I mean that. I go out because I like it, I i don't /i fuss over Hakkai, and I hang out with him a lot because he's still my best friend, got that?"

Goku nodded. "Why don't you tell him?"

Goyjo sighed. "He's not ready for that Goku," he said gently, "I don't know if he'll ever be ready for it, or if he even does swing both ways, but Hakkai lost someone he really loved, and if you ask me, he's still not over her. I'd rather not tell and be close to him and not tell, and tell and have him push me away ever so politely, not to let me in ever again. Can you understand that?"

Goku sat on his own bed, shrugging. "I- I guess… Though I think you should tell, I mean, you don't know this for sure, right? So maybe if you told him, he would like him.

Goyjo shook his head. "Look monkey, I've thought this over, ok? He's not ready. I'd rather keep him as my best friend than lose him completely. Think of it like… Euhmn… With you and Sanzo. If you fell in love with Sanzo, would you tell him and risk everything, or would you keep it a secret and just stay by him?"

"Oh…" Something seemed to dawn on Goku's face at the mention of him loving Sanzo, something Goyjo wasn't willing to analyze any further. "But Hakkai isn't Sanzo!"

Goyjo sighed. "Monkey… I'm not gonna tell him ok, just deal with it."

Goku nodded. "Ok, I get it! You're not gonna tell. So what do you think? Feel like a game of Mahjong? They have a set here, I saw it downstairs!"

"You need four to play mahjong monkey," Goyjo replied absentmindedly. He couldn't get his mind of the look Goku had given him when he talked about him and Sanzo… Goku wasn't supposed to have that sort of… Longing, in his look. He wasn't supposed to understand i that /i well!

"So? We'll make Hakkai and Sanzo play with us! That'll get his mind off the stupid rain!"

Goyjo couldn't help but smile as he thought back to the numerous games of card he'd challenged Hakkai to, back when they lived together, to get his mind off the rain. Maybe mahjong would do better than cards? It was worth a shot…

"Alright monkey, lead the way!" he said, getting up from his bed and turning his back to the rain. Staring at it wouldn't make it stop, no more than it would get Hakkai to stop thinking of it. When exactly had he stopped trying to distract Hakkai and started getting depressed himself? Yes, he had needed a good ass kicking, and Goku had given him just that.

He almost reached the door of the other two's room faster than Goku did.

This fic was written for red nose day at Seeing Red Festival of Fanfiction, an action to sponsor Comic Relieve. If you liked the story or simply think this is a good cause, please donate.


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